What is Delirum?

What is Delirum? Delirium is sudden, severe confusion due to rapid changes in brain function that occur with physical or mental illness. Delirium can be a short-term or life-long,chronic effect with a physical or mental illness. When I was admitted and hospitalized into a mental health hospital for Depression and Anxiety related symptoms, I had no will to live anymore. I had no drive, passion, love, dedication or anything to move on with my life. I was lost without everyone, anything in my life. No one could bring me out of this state of confusion that I was in. Not my boyfriend at the time, who is now my hubby, not my step-son, not my family or loved ones. I had sunk so low into my Depression that no one could get me out of this "hell" that I was living in. I was confused about myself, I didn't know who I was anymore, where my sole purpose in life is and what will truly make me happy in the end. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, was dependent on anything to medicate and soothe myself out of my depression and sadness. My family and boyfriend visited me but seeing them there was not an ideal place to meet them or have them meet me. No music, no outside food/drinks, no cell phones, no internet, no strings, no sharp objects, just you and a gown, socks, some essentials for bathing, brushing your teeth and anything that is deemed safe and not harmful to yourself or others. I stayed for a total of 8 days between both visits; I was admitted six weeks later after my first hospitalization and that was the time, I realized I don't need anyone, everyone to make me happy but me!

When Italian Heavy Metal band, Lacuna Coil released their new studio album entitled "Delirium" in May 2016 and Mothers Day was just around the corner and I knew soon my best friend, Ashley and I would be headbanging to Lacuna Coil at their concert and we would be having the time of our lives. "Delirium" played and the concert crowd went nuts, the opening chorus, the flowing harsh and clean vocals from Cristina Scabbia and Andrea Ferro began and we both knew, Lacuna Coil was here to stay!!! I've been a fan of Lacuna Coil since 2007 when I was first diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety with self-harming behaviors, I heard a song on Itunes from a band in Italy that spoke to me and spoke the words exactly out of my mouth and mind. "Veins of Glass"  was that song! When i was read the lyrics to "Veins of Glass" while listening to the song, tears flowed down my face and this was THE SONG that saved my life! Lacuna Coil saved my life and I am forever grateful for them!

"Now I'm digging to the bone

all the painting

scratching at flesh, drives me mad

to be alive and free"-Veins of Glass: Lacuna Coil

When i decided to get my second tattoo, I originally decided to get the Lacuna Coil symbol, and had some other ideas in store but when "Delirium" played in the car, i instantly knew, it was destiny to pick "Delirium" as my tattoo saying. Why did I add two semicolons instead of two Is? Semicolons are used to break or pause after a sentence. Meaning, the writer or author has choose not to end it but to continue their story. In my case, I choose not to end my story with my battles and demons, I chose to live, to be alive and free! Nothing is going to stand in my way! No one is going to kill the light inside of me!! I suffered well too much to not let anyone stand in front of my happiness! When delirium  was being tattooed on my body, it felt like pain and suffering was leaving  my body and releasing happiness, joy, comfort and love! That feeling was better than any other medications, therapies , doctors, people telling me what to do in my life! This was the best medicine!! Music has that impact on people and that day, my spirits were lifted and I was free!! My battle will never end but I have the courage , strength to go on and move past my demons.