Music is my Therapy

Music and mental illnesses go hand-in-hand like peanut butter and jelly, butter and popcorn, you get the point, right? Moving on, music has been near and dear to my heart and soul since birth. From hearing classic R&B oldies from the The Temptations to Latin music Santana to Blues and Jazz legands. The first songs i ever heard were Bennie and the Jets and Stairway to Heaven, two songs of which are dedicated to my brother Michael. I grew up in a musical family, where i learned violin and piano but never really bothered to learn until music was an escape to a reality where i can escape and feel free. As I got older, the more my genres changed ranging from country to classic rock and roll to Motown favorites that make me think and feel happy thoughts. Music more than anything in this world has helped me during a crisis than medication, psychiatric hospitalizations, therapies and talking to anyone.

When I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety with Borderline Personality Disorder at the age of 19, i thought my life was over! I felt like a failure, i was failing some courses in my first year at college; i had no friends because i shut people out of my life or just felt alone. The one thing, i could always count on was music! Music saved my life! Music saved my life, if music, YouTube and music had not been around, I would not be around. LACUNA COIL is a Italian Goth metal band that got me thru some of my first anxiety attacks when no one was around to help or see that i was struggling for some time. Veins of Glass and Falling Again are two songs that get my eyes tearing, my hands trembling, my knees weak and my voice crackling like thunder in a stormy winter night! Veins of Glass broke me into pieces when i first heard it and instantly, i shared the exact same feelings as the song was playing, i had tears running down my face; my face was trembling, my eyes were sunken in from crying; my feet were exhausted from pacing back and forth, my head spinning like The Mad Hatter's Tea Cups at Anaheim's Disneyland Theme Park in Anaheim, California. My head was all over the place and after the song was over, i picked myself up and continued my day or night. I was immediately hooked after hearing that song and began searching for all their songs, albums, live concerts and everything about them. Coilers for life! Coilers are forever! Coilers do it better! 7 years later, on Mother's Day 2016 my best friend in the whole world will get to experience one of her first LACUNA COIL concerts with me as a Happy Mother's Day/Early Birthday adventure. With the money and saving from my jobs, I am going to tattoo these verses from Veins of Glass onto my arm to remind myself of my past demons/ghosts that I can overcome every single day for the rest of my life. Especially to remind myself that self-harming is not a solution to my problems, my behaviors and everything in between.
Now I'm digging to the bone

all the painting 

scratching at flesh, drives me mad

to be alive and free

To remind myself that I am alive, not alone anymore and that with time, patience, determination, strength that my borderline personality disorder, depression, anxiety, self-harm and PTSD will not overcome me and my endless possibilities. Music will forever be, my therapy!

My name is Laura and I am a 28 year old wife and step-mother of one. I am a proud fighter, lover of metal, photography and anything geeky. I suffer from ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER, AND PTSD This is my story; and my story isn't over yet; its only beginning!